Naruto Gets Banished
by Hug Yourself
Summary: This is me making fun of stories where Naruto gets banished after the Sasuke retrieval incident.


**Hello and welcome to my story. I've decided to parody the common and storyline where Naruto gets banished for defeating Sasuke and bringing him back to the village. Everyone acts completely unreasonable and Naruto always gets super strong and shits on Sasuke's face while Sakura acts like a complete retard. If you've written or enjoyed a story like that and are somehow offended by the story please don't tell me. I don't care.**

**Enjoy!**

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Naruto stood before the Hokage and her council confused. He didn't know why he was called before them but judging by the oppressive atmosphere he knew it would be nothing good. He looked to Tsunade but she refused to look him in the eyes. The rest of the council gave him sneers and hateful gazes. He was used to being looked at that way. It's been that way all of his life. He thought perhaps it would stop after he beat the Hyuuga prodigy and saved Konoha from an insane jinchuriki that unleashed his tailed beast. He was wrong though.

"Do you know why you're here, boy?" asked a man with bandages wrapped around his face.

"To make me Hokage?" Naruto joked only to receive glares. Whatever, he knew it was clever.

"You are being banished for the assault on your fellow leaf shinobi, Sasuke Uchiha." Naruto looked at him in astonishment. Didn't he know Sasuke was trying to defect from the leaf village and join Orochimaru? He looked to Tsunade for an explanation. She gave him a remorseful expression.

"I'm sorry, Naruto." she began, "They threatened to outlaw sake and gambling if I didn't agree to this." Naruto knew she wouldn't be able to live without sake and gambling. He wouldn't hold against her. He just wished she'd hold something against him, if you catch my drift.

"It's ok, Baa-chan. I understand." She nodded and looked away again. He didn't notice though, he didn't see anything that wasn't two amazing breasts. Reluctantly, he turned his back to them all. "I'll pack my things and leave."

**ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ**

On the trip back to his apartment he saw his pink haired teammate, Sakura. She saw him as well and stomped her way over to him.

"NARUTO, YOU BAKA! WHY'D YOU HURT SASUKE!?" she said as she yelled directly into his ear. Naruto flinched and backed away. He wanted his ear as far away from her mouth as possible. He was going to try to reason with her but Sakura was female and chicks aren't into reason. Angered by his lack of a response she decided to punch him into the sun. He didn't get that far though and landed in front of his apartment.

He started packing his things with a heavy heart. He didn't want to leave his home or his friends. He wanted to become hokage but now it was impossible. He wondered what he was going to do now. _'I have to be a great ninja no matter what!'_ he thought. He finished packing his things and walked outside and towards his future.

**ZZZZZZZ-2 years later-ZZZZZZZ**

Tsunade sat at her desk as she gambled and drank sake. She was interrupted by a frantic ninja that burst into her office. Gambling and getting drunk helped her drink better and she needed to be at her best if she wanted resolve her current dilemma. She had just gotten word from Suna that their Kazakega, Gaara, was captured by Akatsuki and that they need help from Konoha. She signaled an ANBU that seeming appeared out of nowhere but he was actually just hiding behind a bookcase.

"I need for you to fetch Team 7." she said to the ANBU who quickly left after receiving his orders. Team 7 showed up and 3 hours later so did their sensei. Team 7 had replaced Naruto with some guy named Sai. He had hair, two eyes, a nose, two ears, a mouth, and he wore clothing. He was clearly a human being.

"Why are you late Kakashi?"

"My spiritual adviser told me I should arrive late." he replied as he read pornography. Kakashi would never tell anyone but he only read that stuff because he was in love with his hand. That, however, wasn't much of a secret. Tsunade decided to ignore that and get on to what was important.

"Gaara has been kidnapped by Akatsuki. Go help. Also, Naruto is there. Bring him back. We need him for plot development." she ordered

"Ok." they replied and they left. Tsunade watched them leave and went back to her sake and gambling. She wasn't even gambling with anyone and she was still losing money. She decided to just drink sake.

**ZZZZZZZ-In Suna-ZZZZZZZ**

Suna was in an uproar over their lost kage. "Who is going to save him?" the wondered. And they got they're answer from a blond haired man.

"Hey guys, I'll save him!" he said and ran off.

"Gee, what a nice guy." they all said.

**ZZZZZZZ-With Akatsuki and Gaara-ZZZZZZZZ**

Two guys stood over an unconscious guy. One of them was a feminine looking blonde haired man that had mouths on his hands. The other one was a hunched over guy that no one wants to describe. They both wore cloaks with red clouds on them.

"Hey Sasori, what do you think is going to happen after we catch all the jinchuriki, un?" the blonde hairded man asked.

"I don't know, Deidara. I'm not really even sure why any of us joined this group." Sasori replied. Suddenly of whole bunch of other guys appeared. I'm far too lazy to describe them all. You know what they look like anyways.

"Sasori, Deidara, did you capture the Ichibi jinchuriki?" the leader asked.

"Yes, Leader-sama, un. Un, un, un, un, un, u-"

"Stop."

**ZZZZZZ-Meanwhile-ZZZZZZ**

Team 7 was currently running through the deserts of Suna, trying desperately to come to their allies aid in time. Sai observed his teammates as they ran. Sakura was discreetly fingering herself as she gazed at Sasuke. Sasuke knew what she was doing though and was trying at all costs to ignore it. Kakashi was staring intently at his hand. Sai had heard Kakashi was in love with his hand but he never believed it. They were all very odd to Sai, having been raised in a base where everyone had no emotions. He knew that if he was to survive in this new world of emotions, he too would have to develop an absurd quirk.

"Hey Sasuke, why do you think we need to get Naruto?" asked Sakura as she wiped her vaginal fluids of of her hand. Apparently she was done masturbating. Sasuke looked at her trying to let her know through his facial expression that she was absolutely disgusting and that he wanted nothing to do with her. He didn't know that Sakura was a hardcore masochist and that his efforts would only make her more excited.

"I don't know." he said coldly. If he kept acting like that, Sakura was going to have tired hands before they ever reached Suna. Sai had never met Naruto and was curious about him.

"What was Naruto like?" Sai asked.

"Naruto was the most wonderful man that you'd ever meet. He had amazing blonde hard and the most striking blue eyes that seemed to look straight into your soul. He was the husband I never wanted and never had." answered Kakashi. Everyone decided to avoid him after that. Sakura decided she wanted to let everyone know how she felt about Naruto.

"Naruto was a BAKAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA -"

"Stop."

**ZZZZZZ-Back with Gaara-ZZZZZZ**

"Alright guys, it's time to do the extraction." They all started but then the walls around them began to shake and they all fell over.

"Leave Gaara alone!" yelled a guy.

"Who are you!?" they all asked at the same time.

"I am Naruto Uzumaki! Hand over Gaara before I destroy all of you!" All of the other Akatsuki members disappeared and left Deidara and Sasori to fight Naruto.

"Alright, un, I'm, un, gonna, un, kick, un your, un, ass, un." said Sasori.

"Un is my thing you piece of shit, un!" yelled Deidara.

"Let's fight!" they fought each other until they both died. Naruto took Gaara and got the fuck out of there. As he was leaving someone called out to him. He turned to see his old team staring at him in amazement.

"Dead you defeat both of these guys? They're S rank ninja!" asked Kakashi.

"...Yeah! I beat those guys. They were nothing!" boasted Naruto. Everyone was shocked and aroused. Naruto would have sex with them later.

**ZZZZZZ-Later in Suna-ZZZZZZ**

"Thanks for saving me, Naruto. Come over to my house and fuck my sister!" Gaara said as he brought Naruto over to his house to fuck his sister. Naruto entered Gaara's house and spotted Temari on a couch reading a book. She was completely unaware that she was about to get fucked.

"Temari, Naruto saved me. Have sex with him."

"Ok."

**-Lemon Start-**

Temari laid down and spread her legs. Naruto inserted his penis into her vagina and thrust repeatedly until he ejaculated inside her. They both enjoyed it.

**-Lemon End-**

9 months later they would have a child.

**The End.**

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**Thanks for reading guys! I hope you somehow enjoyed this.**


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